WEIGHTLIFTING

It's me, it's me, it's me, Oh Lord,
Standin' in the need of prayer....


Do you know that song?  I love that song....most days.  But some days, I find more challenging truth in that song than I do in some of my morning Bible readings.  One thing I never could understand about that song though is, when the singer is singing about their brokenness, they then sing out "Hallelujah".  Seriously, when you are down in the dumps...who shouts that?  But I get the rest of the song these days, for sure!


I believe one of my giftings is prayer.  I LOVE to pray for people.  Usually, I cannot even just say, "I will pray for you", but have to stop right then and there and pray with the person.  If I am short on time and do have to say, "I will pray", you can rest assured that I do!  LOTS!


I love that God has called us to prayer.  I love that He puts lots of people on my heart to pray for all day long, every day.  It is one of the ways he grows my faith because I have seen Him answer so many prayers that I have prayed.  It is a numbers game.  The more people He has me pray for, the more often I see answered prayers!  He is faithful.


But...what is up with February?  Shannon and Shirin know what I am talking about.  


There must be something spiritually powerful that occurs in February in my life.  For years now, I feel the impending doom getting closer and closer starting in January.  By February 1st, all I ever want to do is disconnect from every single thing going on in my life.  I am sure it some kind of spiritual attack, because most things I do are all about Jesus.  I wake up and don't want to read my Bible, I want to just teach the basics to my kids and get it over with for the day, I want drop Bible Study and classes and everything else. I don't get it.  I just want to find a hole and live there until April. Every little thing seems to form alliances to every other little thing til I feel a huge weight.  And my prayers don't seem to be able to lift it.  Like Superman around Kryptonite!  It literally takes every bit of will I have to do life any other way than popping my head out of the hole and give directions then scurry back down to my hiding place.


So, here is the dumb part.  I never ask for prayer through this.  I think one time I did.  (right Shirin?)  I have this thing.  I will take any child I love into my home as long as necessary, but I wouldn't want to trouble anyone with my kids (and my kids are good kids!).  I want to help all my friends any time they need it, but I hate asking for help.  If there is something I can do myself, I never want to burden someone else to help me.  Get the picture?  It is spelled P-R-I-D-E!  Ugh!  And I thought I was being helpful....really I am just trying to appear together. (as if!!)


I came to realize this last night when I went to coffee with my daughter (she is just WAY more wise than I!).  She is not a prideful person whatsoever, but admits she works at keeping her eyes on Christ.  Last night, she discussed all the different ways she is tempted to be prideful. And that is when I realized, many times when I share my burdens with no one but Christ, it is because I want to look strong to others. And because I don't want to trouble them.  Of course, I want those things so that they still know I can help them carry their burdens.  I have composed two emails this week asking my friends for prayer....but deleted them instead of sending them.  What an idiot, huh?!  Sometimes I can really be a flapjack (as my friend, Gretchen, would say!)


I have told myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and to take all my troubles to the foot of the cross, to cast all my cares on Him for He cares for me....but I never asked anyone else to help me make it up the hill to the cross.  Even though I would not think twice about carrying someone at full speed to lay their burdens down.  


So, here I sit.  It is almost February.  Gray doom marches forward.  I pray every morning for everyone else and add a one minute prayer for myself at the end.  And God seems to be heaping more and more on me to remind me that He is relational.  And that He has called all of us to pray unceasingly and lift each other up continually...even if prayer is not their gifting (seriously?  MORE pride?!).  How do we do that if we are not honest about our needs? So, honestly, I can say, I have a burden now that I need help carrying.  I am having a hard time lifting it.  I have so many little burdens right now, that I am overwhelmed by their collective weight.    The Lord has brought me to a point where I have to choose either pride or relief.  I choose relief and say to Him AND my friends:


 It's me, it's me, it's me, Oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.  Not my brother, not my sister, but me, oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.


And as the relief of humility and surrender wash over me when I admit my need....I finally understand why the singer says:


HALLELUJAH!