THE WINTER OF MY DISCONTENT

"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.  For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.  If they had been thinking of the at land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return.  but as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one."  Hebrews 11:13-16a

Having traveled by car back to California twice in the past two years, I have had opportunity to observe many of the western states.  Anyone who has followed my blog during those sojourns knows how I feel about those states.  Seriously, between California and Colorado, is there ANYTHING beautiful?!  I believe God put that vast wasteland that we euphemize as the "Great West" just to remind us that Hell is real!

The first year that we drove out to California, I was struck by the absolute ugliness of the washed-out stone formations in the Utah desert.  It was hot and white.  We have rock formations in Colorado, but they are red and interspersed with beautiful green trees, covered by the bluest sky you have ever witnessed.  They are spectacular to behold.  But Utah's rocks....so close, but so far from the beauty I get to experience living here in Colorado.  Since that trip, I have been able to appreciate some of Utah.  I have to get pretty far into the state though, and more importantly, I have to stop comparing it to Colorado.

As ugly as I believed Utah to be, nothing, I mean NOTHING, not one state I have been in is more desolate and hideous in so many ways than Nevada.  Flat. Colorless.  Las Vegas.  (need I say more?).

And Nevada is where I think I should move.

WHAT?  Seems wrong doesn't it?

I think it is no secret that I LOVE living in Colorado.  I grew up my whole life in California.  That state has some very beautiful parts to it.  And one of my favorite places in the world is there....Yosemite.  BUT....California is also extremely crowded, very expensive, taxes are through the roof and the political system is a mess.  After living there for 38 years, I was discontent and I longed to be somewhere else.  I wanted to raise my kids in a place of beauty that would also allow us to have a life and some breathing room.  Colorado has been a perfect fit.  We love the fabulous Rocky Mountains (which, this morning, are covered with pristine snow), we love the red rock formations, the gorgeous rivers.  Colorado has tremendous wildlife, fishing and wide, open spaces.  I live in my dream house, surrounded by amazing friends with a great church and lots of people who are like minded.  There is great opportunity for fellowship and spiritual growth and I am pretty convinced that Colorado is the "whole package".  Everything I ever wanted.  God has blessed us richly in bringing us here.

So, why, why, WHY would I want to move to Nevada?

Because I am content.  That is a blessing....and a curse.  I have so much going on in my life, that I only have so much brainpower to pour into things outside schooling my kids.  But, as I was reading through Hebrews, I was struck by the verse at the top of this post.

I love waking up in the beautiful trees.  I love spying Pike's Peak when I drive to the store.  I love getting together with my friends once a week to school our kids in a house that is big enough to hold us all.  I love the SNOW!  I just love this state and everything/everyone in it!  I NEVER think about leaving it.

Living in Colorado makes it hard to long for heaven.  And, I admit, I do not turn my brain there often.  Not often enough anyway.

I know it is a blessing that the Lord has bestowed on my family....this home, this state, these friends.  But, I have found that if I am not intentional about realizing every day that this is NOT my home, I am happy to play in the puddles making mudpies instead of taking up the option of a holiday at the sea, as Lewis would say.  I am easily distracted by the beauty of Colorado and my home here.  I am thankful....and pacified.  I feel like a Coloradoan.

But, what I really want to be is an exile on Earth.  I don't want to fit in.  I don't want to be completely satisfied.  You understand, I love the blessings the Lord has given me.  I am so thankful to sojourn here....I just don't want to be so comfortable that I forget that this is a temporary stopover.  I want a little discontent in my life to remind me that this is not my home.  Not really.

And that is why I think I should move to Nevada.  That whole state is one big wasteland!  If you can be content there, NOTHING will make you long for heaven!