HERE'S TO YOU, DAVE BONILLA

Fallacy:  "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."


I know this is a fallacy because I have been there.  On the road to Hell, that is.  And there were NO good intentions.  Which is odd because we were sent there by a "friend" of Joe's.  "Dave", Joe's buddy sent us on this road to get some "good" fishing in.  By "good" I mean, "lousy".

We are in California visiting our good friends, the CA Schnuens.  They are like family and so it is always good to get some serious visitation in with them.  And this year, all of our kids are older and more mature, so we were able to get a "grown-ups only" excursion in.  Though, what really happened was nowhere near an excursion.  Here is Dictionary.com's definition....see if you agree.

ex·cur·sion
a short trip or outing to some place, usually for a special purpose and with the intention of a prompt return: a pleasure excursion; a scientific excursion.


I know it wasn't an excursion because it wasn't a short trip, nor was their a prompt return involved AND the word "pleasure" (except for the company) could hardly be used in the same sentence with our outing!   I am pretty sure, however, that it was a scientific trip.  I think Joe's "friend" was trying to see how long 4 "citified-folk" could survive in the wilds of Iron Lakes....which is where Dave "the Jokester" Bonilla sent us, with promises of good fishing, I might add!


It all started with an innocent phone call.  Joe "Don't Make ME Make a Decision" Schnuen decided to call his "buddy",  Dave "Can't You Take a Hint?  I Don't Like You" Bonilla to see where HE would suggest we go for good fishing.  Dave's intentions (obviously NOT good) were two fold.  The first was to get us lost in the backwoods of Yosemite country and the other was to starve us once we got there~


This was quite calculating, as Dave "See Ya Later Blockheads" Bonilla had to count on the following things:


*That Joe "Everybody is my Buddy" Schnuen would actually trust him.


*That Joe "Who Needs Pavement" Schnuen would really drive on a "road" (and by "road", I mean path of DEATH which make Roundabouts look like a piece of cake!) that even Indiana Jones would have run screaming from just because his "buddy" said he could.


*That Shirin "You are Lucky I Have Three Children with You" Schnuen would not wring Joe's neck before we got to the "Starving Time".


*And that Carl and Jill "I Don't Think Dave Likes You" Schnuen would also not wring Joe's neck.


Needless to say Dave "You Idiots" Bonilla's dastardly plan worked flawlessly.  And by "flawlessly", I mean FLAWLESSLY!


We set out around 10am in the Suburban. We had sandwiches and snacks, water and other assorted beverages.  All our bait was ready to go.  We had an ice chest for ALL those fish we were going to grill for dinner and chairs for all of us.  We drove on a very windy road that took us up, up, up into the mountains (by "up, up, up" I mean half of the elevation we live in in CO).  Soon, the road became full of potholes, with half of the pavement missing.  There was loose gravel and big rocks and something no one should ever have to encounter deep in the heart of the woods.......FOREST COWS!  These beasts inhabit the forest and stand menacingly in wooded pastures and by the sides of roads.  We got dangerously close to one, but only because they can't charge if they are facing away from you.  We probably should have turned back then.  But we didn't.

Got Milk?

On and on we drove.  Until the road no longer was missing half it's pavement.  IT WAS MISSING ALL OF IT'S PAVEMENT!  


Now, I know that a Suburban has four-wheel drive...but it is not really an off-road vehicle.  Fortunately, there was at least a dirt road...but not for long.


Somewhere around 11:30am, the road completely disappeared.  I mean it was GONE, baby!  There was still dirt, but now there were trees surrounding us, with BIG stones, rocks and boulders in the way.  And yet, Joe "Who Cares if we Live" Schnuen kept driving.  Sometimes we cleared trees on the sides of the car by 1/4 of an inch!  We bounced all over.  


In the end, Shirin "I am Begging for my Life, Here" Schnuen talked Joe "If I Only Had a Jeep" into parking the Burb and walking the rest of the way.  We were in agreement, so we won!  We unpacked some of the stuff (taking everything was no longer an option, as we still had to hike to the lake....which we were far enough away from that we couldn't see it), and headed off on the trail (and by "trail" I mean...."we are TOTALLY guessing where to go from here").


After a short jaunt, downhill on slippery gravel, we arrived at Iron Lakes.  It was breathtaking (probably because we were breathing so hard from the long, and treacherous hike in).  Really, it was quite lovely.  We set up camp and threw our lines in.  Within 5 minutes, I caught a fish!!  

False Sense of Security

At this point, we made the near-fatal mistake of actually believing Dave "Call Me When You Get Back So I Know You Are Still Alive and I Can Start Planning My Alibi" Bonilla really had sent us to the prime fishing spot and only sent us on the Death Trail because it is the only way to the Fishing Jackpot!  And we were still holding on to that belief when an hour and a half later, Carl caught the second (and by "second", I mean "last") fish of the day.  From there on out, we moved all over the lake, hoping for the fishing bonanza.  It was then that we realized Dave "Losers!" Bonilla had no intention of seeing us again.


By 4pm, we packed up the stuff and headed up the trail. This must have been Dave "Ever Heard of the Donner Party?" Bonilla's last ditch effort to kill us off.  The trail, which was easily taken down because gravity had you in a death grip, was not so easily ascended.  BUT.....somehow we did it.  Half the battle was down.  The next half was driving the car BACK to our home.  That half of the ride was worse because it was DOWNHILL!


Anyway, I am proud to say, we made it back in one piece, no help from Dave "You're Back?!" Bonilla. And when we got back, we ate the two fish as an appetizer with a stiff drink and toasted Dave "We Gonna Get You, Sucka" Bonilla.


For your consideration, I submit the following evidence: